It's Tuesday. The weekend is already over and I cant say that I mind. I do hate the work I'm doing right now but at least I have a place to go. I followed up with NY life and everything seems to be a go. The trainer has still not contacted me and that seems odd. I guess there is no huge hurry as they have not received my temporary license yet. It's going to be tough to get it going but given opportunity and training I think I can build it into something that will sustain me. I have a few good friends here that I think will be of help also. I just got back from the Gym. Rene cancelled on me and has some new clients in that time slot. I wonder if I'm being replaced. I hope not. Training is one of the positive things in my life. Instead of training I did a five mile run. I feel good, although I have a blister on my foot. Part of breaking in new shoes I suppose. Art class was a little better this week. We just had the kids in the morning cut out shapes with cookie cutters then in the afternoon we actually made monkeys. Total of six hours at the studio though I did not work on any real projects of my own yet. The couple hundred extra bucks for the month is going to come in handy. Perhaps that is what I can pay Rene with to keep up the training. Other job possibilities include cleaning slaughter houses, selling housed, selling security systems to businesses and travelling round the country trying to sell artwork. Which would you pick? I know what I would pick but certain financial obligations over the next three years make it important to earn a minimum wage that is far above the national minimum. Looking forward to completing child support payments so i can focus on eliminating debt. I was doing quite well till recently. Over the last two weeks its been going in the wrong direction.

Sunday

It's sunday...Blah. Finished a long week of work and now a day off. Not such a good thing for me. Last night I went out to a few bars...four to be exact. Had one drink at each one came home and went to sleep. I didn't say one word to one person at any of the bars. This morning I took Virginia (my daughter) to get a new Ipod at Best Buy. She saved up half and I put the other half on a credit card. I didn't have any money to pay for the other half, hence the all powerful credit card. After that we had breakfast washed my car, copied some music over to an external hard drive and then i took her home. After that I went to a movie with a friend of mine named Mike. He is a friend. Its now about ten PM and and I've had about six beers. I'm lonely. It is by choice mostly, but I do feel lonely, something is missing. I want to go out and find the thing that will fill the empty space in my soul, or is it my heart. Are artists supposed to be alone? Does all great art come from pain and suffering? Is my art even good? I dont know. Van Gogh sold only one painting in his entire life. I've sold thousands of dollars worth of my art. Does that make me better than Van Gogh? It certainly makes me more commercial than Van Gogh. Why do I even ponder such things. I've been off of pot for two weeks now and know that it is important that i stay clean in case of a drug test from any potential employers. It is best from my health I know. I have been smoking cigs but not to great excess. One a night four or five on a weekend. Not a whole lot but I feel that I should not. Probably should not drink six beers either. Maybe eight is better. I have been working out at the gym and have lost at least ten lbs I'm sure over the last few months. I've not weighed myself but I know my weight is down from the need to pull my belt tighter and the black wear line on the brown belt from where it was previously secured. I teach tomorrow over at the art school and feel like it is a total waste of time. The children are way too younge and are not interested in learning anything. "It's hard, can you help me, I cant do it," are what I hear on a regular basis and we ar enot doing anything hard. I am simply babysitting and I resent it. Good night.